And what you should consider instead.
I love dreaming about the future. I always believed that I needed to have a goal each year that I am working towards. Every year, I set up my vision board and begin working towards it. I pour my heart and soul into projects, investing all I have — my money, sweat and time — into making my vision come to life.
And then I got pregnant and my life changed very drastically. Nobody knows exactly when they will get pregnant even if you plan it.
Motherhood consumes you whole. As much as I tried setting time up to achieve my goals and dreams, I couldn’t hack it. It was too much and I decided to drop everything and live without the so called life goals.
Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t stop dreaming. My life is still on course and I am happy where I am at.
A few years back, I envisioned myself to be somewhere other than where I am. I wanted this lovely family, to be a stay at home mum, have four kids, build an online business and travel the world with my family. I thought I would be there now, except, life turned out very differently.
When I thought I had found my life partner, we separated. Where I thought I would be a stay home mum, I now thrive as a corporate mum (with very shady balance of late). When I thought, I would space my kids a certain way, here I am dealing with co-parenting. Where I really wanted to build my online business, instead, I decided to shut everything down. And lastly, when I dreamed to travel and adventure with my partner and family, I enjoy solo dates and adventures.
As I reflect on my last year, despite the curve ball, I am actually very peaceful. The truth is that all those goals I had of how my life should be were not aligned with my purpose here. In some cases, like my failed relationship, it is a life lesson I needed to learn.
Here is the thing, I still believe that I’ll achieve some of those things. The difference is that I am not desperate to get there because I know that those things are not my final destination in life. Getting my dream marriage and relationship is not a destination. It is part of my life journey. Traveling and adventure is not the end, it is a part of me that I really enjoy. And so on.
Life goals say that you get married this year, travel to this and that place by this time, have children before that time and be a certain weight by this time. I have chosen a different route where I build a lifestyle instead.
For me, it will never be about losing weight but eating healthy and staying active. It’s never about a loving relationship but feeling loved every single day. It’s not about where I travel to but enjoying the adventures of daily life. Corporate life is enough where we have goals, strategy and action plan. This is life, you are not in direct control of things.
Therefore, what do I do these days?
I set intentions and follow my heart more often. I barely have an action plan though I do follow inspired action.
When you set an intention, the universe guides you into action that will lead you there. That is what is called inspired action. Therefore, I don’t act immediately on my intentions. I wait for the universe to guide me. Sometimes the road is not clear, other times you will get hurt. But this is life. That intention is not a destination, it is part of your journey.
Intentions don’t change much year in year out. Sometimes I add little short term intentions like resting more or building a tradition. The rest of the time, I am enjoying the journey called life.
There are some hard days where I’ll cry because I don’t feel like I am where I should be or I feel like something is missing. These days have been a reminder that I’m not living in this moment and that I consider my intentions a destination. Therefore, I remind myself that it is a journey.
In short, choose happiness now. Don’t let fear drive your life. Believe me, even when you get to that place that you are really dreaming of, you will have another dream list. It will not feel enough. Embrace this journey.
Are you dumping your new year goals?