Most of the time, I encounter situations that cause me emotional pain, yet I manage to endure them with a smile. You too?
Life has an uncanny way of reaching curveballs. Sometimes, they hit heavier than expected and sting longer than we’d care to admit. As much as we try to steer clear of those moments that pierce our hearts, they somehow find their way to us. I have been through my fair share of experiences that go right deep, but somehow, I seem to have taught myself to bear them with a smile. Does this ring any bells? Do you too often mask the weight of your hurt with a smiling face and tell the world that everything is fine when your heart is bruised?
Below is my story, a description of silent battles I have had to fight, the pain I’ve carried, and the strength it took to still keep smiling despite them.
One particular day stands vividly in my mind. It was one chilly autumn morning when I first received some heartbreaking news. The details are not that significant, but the feeling — the tidal wave of sadness that overcame me, making me want to drop right there and then. My chest tightened, and the tears threatened to spill over, but there I was, in the middle of a jam-packed café, with no room for a breakdown. So, I did what I always do. I smiled.
I would smile with the barista as I got my coffee, smile with the stranger opening the door for me, and even manage to smile when a friend called to check in. With my heart crumbling inside, no one knew.
Why do we do this? Why do we, despite the aching pain inside, put on a brave face and carry on? It is about strength for me — or at least that is what I have managed to convince myself of. It’s easier to pretend that I’m okay rather than allowing others to see the cracks in my facade. Always, I have not been one to enjoy showing weakness, and certainly, vulnerability would be out of my league.
But then there’s that thing, perhaps actually not accepting to share the burden of passing onto other people. Everyone is fighting something, and I always tend to question myself in my mind, “Why should my pain add up to theirs?” And so, I keep them bottled inside, mask with a smile, and go about my day. Sometimes, it feels like I am walking around with invisible weights on my shoulders, but the smile remains affixed to my face.
Pain is perhaps the one thing in life that can never be taken away. From minor disappointments to soul-crushing losses, it’s inevitable. But over the years, I’ve found that carrying it on your own is, in some respects, noble yet not always the healthiest option. I thought smiling through the pain makes me strong, but I’ve come to realize that true strength is acknowledging the hurt and allowing myself to feel it.
Don’t get me wrong; I am still that lady who smiles, even at the worst of times. But I’ve learned to find a balance. I let myself cry; I find somebody I trust and talk to them, releasing some of that pain I am holding inside. And that does not make me weak; that makes me human.
I know I am not alone in this. There’s a good chance you have at one point in life done the same thing. How many times have you smiled through the pain? How many times have you told yourself, “I’m fine,” when deep down, you were anything but?
We live happy-faced lies at the behest of a world that perceives smiling as a social cue that puts others at ease — even when it’s the last thing we feel like doing. It’s funny how we can be in the midst of our own personal storm, yet we pretend everything is perfectly sunny.
What I have learned from my journey is that the strength of vulnerability is just unimaginable. Ironically splendid is the bearing of pain with a smile, but being upfront about the struggles grows from strength to strength even more. This is absolutely not about dumping your emotional bag on every Tom, Dick, and Harry you meet but finding those people who genuinely care and letting them in.
Sharing one’s hurt with others doesn’t make one burdensome; rather, it extends an attachment with them. It shows that you trust someone enough to let them see you at your worst. And sometimes in those moments, you’ll find it — the very act of sharing lightens the load.
That said, I do believe in the power of a smile. Not one of those pretentious kinds we reveal to hide what is really going on, but that smile that is real, because we know despite the pain, we are still alright. Smiling even in the face of adversity reminds me of my resilience. It’s my way of telling the world that it hasn’t defeated me. Yet.
A smile to me is an emblem of hope, a reminder that I will get through anything, no matter what it is. That smile has been forced so many times, but many more times in front of others; it really has given me strength to stand up against the battle of life.
Of course, there are days when the smile fades and the weight of everything is heavy. Those are days when sadness seeps in, and I don’t have the strength to wear that brave face. And that’s okay.
I’ve taught myself to give permission to truly feel those moments. It’s not wallowing in self-pity but just giving myself that breathing space to feel the hurt and let it out. On those days, the smile may slip away, but I know it has not really left forever. It will come back, just as I always do.
I told my story because I would know that I was not alone in it. Life has a brutal way of testing us, and I’m pretty sure that sometime, you too were in some situation with a smile on your face, hurting on the inside.
Maybe right now, too.
If you are, I want you to know that it’s okay to smile through the pain but that sometimes it is okay to let that smile slip. It’s okay to acknowledge life isn’t always easy and that sometimes you do need to let others in; you don’t have to bear the cross of the world on your shoulders.
We have all been hurt, and we all heal ourselves in a different way. For some, it’s a smile, and for others, it’s silence. And no matter how we cope, let’s just remember we don’t have to do it alone. Everybody’s right, whether you are the smiling one through hurts or the one who simply expresses their hurt. And if you ever think that it is a heavy weight, reach out. You may be surprised at just how light it can feel when you share it with someone else.