Okay. Life.
I now accept the situations in where I have to sacrifice dreams in order to achieve the small things. My health has struggled in keeping up with what normal folks can do. The toughest part is when they tell you, “You will be more free.” Yet? So many can’t comprehend the issues one faces when constantly sick.
Am I sick? It all depends. I have kidney disease. Is there a cure? No. Dialysis or a transplant will work over tine. Crossing fingers, an organ transplant will be a better choice. However, it is a lot of effort and time, to handle the ropes of being immune compromised. One week or a couple months? I am okay. Sometimes, I get super sick due to someone sneezing, coughing, germs of inconsiderate folks around me. It is a nightmare, while simultaneously, I am also trying to live a life of what I can do.
So many are blinded in this day and age where the things I have had to grow with two transplants, with the painful dialysis after my first transplant failed? It is a nightmare encountering the strangers who loudly, bluntly, seek attention and say, “Do not donate your organs.” “I will never people cut me up and give people my body.” “Vaccines kill you.” “Oh, vaccines must have killed your kidney.”
Above me, were a few things I was told, and overheard. Little do so many of these people know? The one who has dealt with dialysis at 24 to 28 years, 2 gigantic needles in your arm, a blood pressure cuff on the other arm, and the painful blood cleaning and put back. At the same time, if your blood pressure drops, you pass out. I have an endless trauma of seeing people next to ms have cpr and everything. I am traumatized.
Transplants. Crossing fingers my second kidney continues. It is now just relearning the routines since so much trauma has had to happen. It is insanely tough. Toughest part is being 34, and Kaiser does have issues with telling a patient, “That should not happen.” Little do they know is that many of us do experience the side effects, fatigue, and more.
Strangers. It is on youtube and I can name so many on youtube who bullies, condescends, contradicts, and have no empath but force their typed words to lead into bullying. The worst part is reading some. How can people do that? Are they seriously that bored.
In my life, I matured faster in pre-k because I was bullied by so much for the side effects of my transplant in medications. That pain and learning how to battle demons to hope someone will genuinely see my kindness.
To this day it is the same. Only this time? I am very outspoken, and impulsive if people rub me the wrong way. Now, I am thinking of Genie in the Bottle. ????
To say life is full of stones, rocks, sticks, and more? It is a lot worse now. I honestly feel bad for those who are struggling through it. It is an insane amount of bullying being everywhere. Laws have faded into no one doing anything. Strangers are the witness, and these people who do not anything? Will be a silent karma when someone is in too much pain because no one stopped to whoever saw it. The strangers let them be, as they ignore the person who is hurting.
All in all? My kidney is a friggin warrior! I want to outlive you Kidney!
To pursue through the endless shields, is having me see so much light. Then casually passing through the paths of my life, and watching the ones who hurt me badly, get the karma. Here I am. Rising. Uphill battles and it is not stopping me to deal with. I deal with situations that it is just a thing in life that needs to be dealt with. Can’t change the ways of life, but only find ways to re-route and re-work itself out.
To know the karmic is to understand who you are. We get this world of not knowing which direction to go. Suddenly people go the wrong route. I have done it. I know it is a part of life within its own lessons. Consequences, accountability, and humiliation, is needed in order to give us a part of shame to never do it again.
So far? I have healed within the many years I have endured, faced, and learned from. To smile more is something real and new. I am smiling, being okay to be on my own in mature ways, and still am seeking to forgive my enemies, but will never return back into that cycle.