I went on a date with a man a few weeks ago. It was our second date and the topic of relationship dynamics came up.
“I don’t want my partner to be around all the time, even if I want them to be. Give me a chance to miss you. I need my time and friends and hobbies,” is more of less of what I had to say.
He disagreed. “I think the point of a relationship is to reach a point where you guys spend as much time as possible with each other, anywhere and not get fed up.”
No shade to this man, but his response put me off. No, no, no.
I might be too single to understand, but don’t I want to lose myself in a relationship.
I don’t want my boyfriend to join me during every hang out with my friends. I don’t want the conversation to steer back to my boyfriend.
I don’t want to lose my individuality to my boyfriend.
I’ve heard far too many times: “oh, you’ll understand once you’re in a relationship.”
I might, but I don’t want to.
Lives overlap and the connection you have is much more intimate, that much I can agree with. But why should that intimacy dominate my own self?
The thought is suffocating: of becoming so interwoven with someone that they seep into every part of my identity.
The desire for individuality shouldn’t be wrong in a relationship. I think it’s quite healthy, especially if that’s someone you want to live with and marry.
You hear far too much that someone met their ‘other half’ or their partner ‘completed them’.
I think that’s utterly ridiculous. You are a whole, complete person without your partner, a full cup. Your partner should overflow your cup.
You should have your own hobbies and friends and interests without the requirement of your relationship having a role.
Jo March is right. Women (and men) have minds and souls and talent and ambition. That shouldn’t be drowned out by an intimate partner and nor does it always have to involve them.