Why do I look like this?
is a question I used to ask myself whenever I looked in the mirror, pondering why my shoulders, face, stomach, and thighs appeared the way they did. I despised it. It felt uncomfortable, as if I could tear my skin open — it was suffocating.
That’s called body dysmorphia, also known as “BDD.” It’s a condition in which an individual spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance, which are often unnoticeable to others. People of any age can have BDD, but it’s most common in teenagers and young adults. It affects both men and women.
It’s okay to feel unattractive or imperfect because, honestly, in today’s world, no one truly is perfect.
In addition to that, I’ve also dealt with binge-eating problems, which made me crave and eat food even when I wasn’t hungry or my body was already satisfied, but my mind wasn’t.
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Why isn’t my stomach flat? Why don’t I have a thigh gap? Why do my arms jiggle? Is my nose not straight enough? Are those pores, facial hair, small or big lips, fine lines, and texture?
These concerns, among others, have troubled everyone at some point, making you feel insecure and not good enough. Eventually, a person might try to solve these so-called “problems” by resorting to harmful methods of weight loss. When I wasn’t happy with my weight, I always tried to lose it, regardless of whether it was healthy or not — I just wanted it to happen quickly. This led to behavior’s such as starving myself for hours, eating only three potatoes a day, surviving on water and gum, inducing vomiting, having only breakfast, and drinking an excessive amount of water in one sitting.
Obviously, this has caused significant harm to my mental and physical health. I frequently experienced headaches, constant fatigue, occasional loss of focus, and trouble sleeping. Worst of all, at one point, the smell of food made me gag.
My constant negative relationship with food severely impacted my mental health. When I sat down to eat, I would finish a whole plate of food and then feel disgusted, despising and hating myself for eating.
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After about two years of having this harmful mindset, I started watching Japanese, English, and Korean bloggers who vlogged their “what I eat in a day” routines. Their healthy and aesthetic approach to food inspired me to take an interest in making my meals look good and
nutritious.
I’ve also started giving love to my body by adopting a skincare routine and pampering myself. Believe it or not, you deserve it — we all deserve to be loved. And what better love is there than self-love?
Additionally, I listened to music that was relatable and encouraging, which made me feel included and less alone in my struggles. I began looking at myself in the mirror and studying my facial features until I subconsciously started to admire them. I didn’t need anyone to tell me I was pretty; I just needed to believe it myself.
MThis new mindset required practice, and it took a long time for me to finally realize that I was more than enough and worth more than I had thought. I recognized my values, strengths, and beauty. Now, when I look at myself in the mirror, I admire what I was born with. I no longer feel the need to hide my pimples or my natural beauty. I started dressing more for my body and recognizing what it needed.
I wasn’t focused on losing weight anymore; I was working towards etter health.