We’re all looking for answers.
So, every waking moment, we’re asking questions.
Some buzz around at the forefront of our minds. Others marinate quietly in our subconscious, waiting for time to work them out and bring them forward
Where are my keys? What should I wear? What should I have for lunch?
Those are these mundane ones. The daily automatic ones that most of us don’t give much thought to because, ultimately, their answers don’t hold a lot of weight.
What should I do with my life? Is there a God? Should I get this mole checked out? Why is my business failing?
Those are less common. And the answers more significant.
But regardless of what you’re asking, there are only two types of questions: questions of Confirmation, and questions of Discovery.
Knowing the difference between the two is critical to the quality of your life.
When we ask a question looking for confirmation of what we already know, we are often lost but unwilling to look at the map. We say we can’t find the answer but, in truth, the answer has presented itself again and again.
We just haven’t accepted it because it’s not the confirmation — the answer we wanted — so we remain closed to other possibilities, save for that single one we have predetermined.
Usually this is because we fear the unknown, so we reject all of the answers presented until one comes that seemingly shelters us from having to face that fear.
Here’s an example:
Why is my business failing? You’d like to believe it’s because things are just slow right now.
But the reality is that you may need to change something foundational in your business — personnel, products, even management (and that might be YOU). Being open to, accepting and acting upon those responses would make your original question one of Discovery.
But you don’t want to face that, so you ask, again and again, “Why aren’t we doing as well as we were?”
Because you’ve already decided on the easy answer of general slowdown, which demands less of you and avoids change, you will continue to ask, again and again, until someone finally says “Hey — It’s slow everywhere right now. We just need to ride it out.”
And then you stop asking.
When the only answer we will accept is the one we already know, this always indicates that it is a question is borne of rigidity and fear.
Asking a question for the sake of confirmation is a fool’s errand. It is an invitation to a long period of status quo, and then a slow decline into failure.
Questions of Discovery are different.
These are borne of an openness to change, flexibility, curiosity and confidence that allows for the humility of the amateur and only hopes for growth.
The answer set for questions of discovery is vast and varied; there is no right answer, only an opportunity for action.
Let’s revisit “Why is my business failing?”
If posed as a question of Discovery, you will be open to every answer. You will investigate them, truly consider them, act on them… and not feel threatened by them.
That last part’s especially important.
Whenever we feel threatened by an answer, it is because it is uncovering a truth that we have hidden. From others, or from ourselves.
Often, people stop asking questions. That’s a great way to live a dead life.
We must ask questions, and we should ask far more questions of discovery than questions of confirmation.
But to get into that habit requires practice, not declaration.
Evolution, not sudden and ephemeral change.
Because sudden change, even if well-intentioned, never lasts.
One measured step at a time, done consistently, gets you to your destination.
Sprints just leave you breathless on the side of the road while the walkers catch up and pass you by.
Try to get in the habit of being mindful that you are even asking a question.
Then ask yourself, is this a question of discovery or a question of confirmation?
Do I really want to find a new answer, and am I willing to follow where that leads, or do I want to stay in my current mindset and situation, and just want the comfort of knowing it’s okay to do that.
The interesting — and most important — questions, are those of discovery. And asking yourself whether you’re asking a question of confirmation is actually one of those. Because it suggests self-awareness.
Self-awareness can lead to new perspectives, one of which is the possibility that you’re not always right.
And that can open new doors.
To where you really want to be.