what in the world are these feelings? strange. | by crumpledpaper | Jul, 2024

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the art of solitude

Some of my friends always say that I am the type of friend who is considered a “social butterfly”. I often receive lots of comments about how I know a lot of people and that I always know how to adjust to one’s humor, behavior, or even personalities. Little did they know, that is not what I see. Maybe I am being cruel to myself, but I don’t see what they see in me — at all.

Every time after a long tiring day with my friends, I feel so lonely going home. It feels like there is this weight on my chest that I can’t even breathe. So strange. I don’t get myself sometimes. NO. Actually, everytime. Although, I feel so happy whenever I’m with my friends, I do like making fun jokes, non-stop laughter, and even doing weird stuff. But then at the end of the day, I go home and feel so alone.

It is so strange to feel these because I don’t have a particular reason to be this broken and troubled, where in fact I do be living a good life. Maybe there are just days where we feel less happy. Maybe life is not always fun and exciting. Maybe it is normal to feel this way because we are all drained from all the things that happened within a day, or even an hour. And maybe, it is totally okay.

We can take our time recharging our social battery, taking our time to rest and come out to the world when we feel like it. Maybe it’s not bad at all to feel these kinds of emotions.

Maybe the beauty of enjoying one’s solitude can be the only way to have the time to ourselves — growing and reflecting.

Really, what in the world are these feelings? Not so strange at all. These feelings would want us to feel them as much as we want to get rid of them and it is completely normal. That is how beautiful the human algorithm is. They can make us feel so brave after taking the time to feel them. With that, we need to accept the fact that at the end of the day, feeling these emotions will prevent us from being dependent on something and become easily attached because we only have ourselves. Not someone. Not anyone.

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