To my fangirl self. All the love, fangirl self (Photo by… | by Rai | Jun, 2024

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All the love, fangirl self (Photo by Ron Lach on Pexels)

To my fangirl self,

Hello there! This is the future you writing you a letter. I’m from the 2020s now and sending you some love, Y2K self.

I hope you are enjoying the latest episode of The X-Files shown on local TV, getting lost in the Star Wars universe while playing one of the original trilogy movies on a VHS tape, listening to Girls Generation, and gushing over David Duchovny. I hope you are enjoying flipping through the pages of Harry’s Hogwarts adventures.

I know how hard it gets that sometimes, you don’t feel understood because of how you love your shows, movies, books, and music. You love and appreciate it with such passion. You spend days writing plots about your favorite ships, be it Han Solo and Princess Leia, or Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. You type a chapter or two and save it on your diskette, then run over to the nearest Internet cafe and upload your latest updates on a fan fiction website.

I know that you fangirl because you’re going through difficult days in school and at home. Feeling alienated by others because you don’t fit in, judged for being introverted, not doing the same things 18 year olds do back then, such as partying and dating, and mom worrying if you’re neglecting your academics because you write fan fiction.

You yearned to be understood and accepted, to the point you want to get rid of your fangirl self, the things that made you happy. But I’m telling you, just enjoy what you love. I’m trying to get that fangirling feeling back by watching my old faves, but the spark is no longer there. Though I smile every time I see what I used to love on YouTube shorts and videos.

There will come a time in the future that your fandoms and favorites won’t matter as much anymore. Time passes, things change, and as you enter the workforce, you are forced to grow up fast. At one point it feels nice to be a grown-up up, because you earn some money to get by. But along with it comes new challenges.

As you age, you worry more about the future. You wonder where you’ll be a year or two. You think about how to pay the bills. You ponder on whether you should resign from your job in favor of something high paying, but with uncertainty over job security. You see your friends and colleagues settling down, achieving a lot. You think you’re left behind, and maybe I should be like them too.

But you have your own life and pacing in your journey. Do remember this. Just do your best in anything you do, continue to be kind, especially to yourself.

If there’s one thing I learned from my fandoms, it’s maintaining the hope that things do turn around for good and for the best. Maybe not now, but soon.

And love yourself. Your fangirl past and all. Own your quirks, strengths, shortcomings, failures. Keep learning and growing. You will find your people, true friends who will fangirl with you and accept you as you are. Believe me, you will.

Stay young at heart. Keep the spark alive. Use the spark to help you enjoy life, love it, and live it well, despite changes and uncertainties.

You have already written the life you want and the brave, strong girl you wanted to become, just like Leia and Dana Scully.

All the love, fangirl self.


Your grown-up self

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