Who is the confident guy? The loudest nerd who can say the most dumb shit in class?
Listen, you can’t see real confidence any time because these people have no reason to show it randomly.
So what is confidence? I have two ways to define it:
- It is a person’s reaction and inner attitude in a certain situation.
- The person’s trust in his abilities, knowledge, and experience.
If you consider everything I just mentioned you can easily conclude that confidence is not always shown or the confident one is usually not the guy you think.
Most people don’t even know when they are faking it. This comes down to insecurity which is deep inside them and that’s the reason why it’s pretty much unconscious.
They act in a certain way, which hides their weakness. Now, this is the trap. When they feel the weakness is hidden, that’s when others can see it the most.
It is actually kind of sad. Most time people are hiding something that they consider as a generally bad thing, some error in the system. But the problem here is that these things are never being analyzed and that leads to misconceptions and false beliefs.
This is why I preach self analyzation so much. The understanding of your feelings and actions. Why are you feeling a certain way or doing some things?
How to spot actual confidence
The guy walks into the room. He goes directly at you, looks straight deep in your eyes while holding eye contact and he shakes your hand. It’s not aggressive but you can also feel the man’s strength. Then he walks away, sits in the corner, and quietly does his job.
How did this make you feel? I hope the word confidence came into your mind because I’ve tried to paint a picture like that.
The most masculine, confident, and leader type of people are not the loudest. Yes, maybe they speak with others but they aren’t friends with anyone.
But this is not a sign. The biggest nerds can act like this as well when they have to make a first impression.
But the people who can take the lead, and responsibility, or the guys who can act the bravest, who stand things for the longest, usually those are the ones who are the most confident.
Why? Remember what I wrote earlier! “The people who are confident in their abilities, knowledge, and experience”.
These guys don’t have to prove anything. That’s where their confidence comes from.
The insecure kind who’s acting the toughest and being friendly with anyone has a desire to prove himself because of his insecurities.
I hope you understand it now and you can see the loop because all this is connected and easy to understand once someone can tell it.
Make promises to yourself
The first way to do it is simple. Promise things to yourself and do not break them. Your ability to trust yourself is very important. Again, as I mentioned earlier.
These promises can be small or even big ones, it doesn’t matter. My recommendation to you would be to start small and go for bigger and bigger promises.
For example, let’s say you eat an ice cream every day, but you can’t stop yourself from doing it. Make a promise that the next day you won’t eat any ice cream.
In the beginning, it might feel like you aren’t going anywhere, but trust me, even the small wins matter. So learn to trust yourself with the small things.
This is going to be very good for you because it will literally build the trust of trusting yourself.
Self-analyzing
I mention this a lot but haven’t given a full tutorial on how to actually do that. A future post will be on this topic later.
Now, this is important. The way to trust yourself with being able to solve mental problems, argue, or explain things easily to others is by analyzing yourself.
The reason why this is important is because if you can master this skill, you’ll have no problem understanding your feelings and the reason for your actions.
Do hard things
Doing hard things is the only way the strengthen your mental toughness and get experience. This is the experience side of things.
Now look at the three things that I mentioned.
First, you make a promise to yourself that you’ll do something hard and then you analyze how you felt during that activity.
Everything connects. The most powerful way is this way. To do all three together.
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Until then, live with eyes wide open.