No, you don’t understand. Stop insisting that you do. | by Max Gonzales | Mar, 2024

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When I say you don’t understand, you probably don’t understand. In fact, when you say “I do understand” in response, you’re just proving my point even more.

I go through this a lot. I mean, I have my problems. Like, some things I’ll get too upset about and it’ll cause issues that are completely unnecessary. But it’s gotten to the point where I’m starting to wonder who I even am and what my personality is because of the things people say when I try to tell them about my problems. It’s why I feel like I’m stuck in a hole of depression. Ridiculous things happen to me, I feel like crap about it, and I don’t have anyone to talk to because if I did, they’d blame it all on me. And you know what? It’s most likely just human nature. It’s natural to want to counter an attack aimed at you.

And yeah, some of it’s my fault. Like I said, I’ve got my problems. Maybe I shouldn’t have done X thing Y way at Z time, but usually that’s only one part of the picture. Which leads me to the reason I’m writing this piece. I always tell them, “I haven’t told you everything. You don’t know the whole story.” Which is why they don’t understand. And I swear, when they say “I do understand!”, and then keep ranting about how I’m wrong, it just makes me so mad.

I don’t have anyone. I don’t have anyone I can talk to that I see regularly that will listen to my whole story. I mean, it varies. But there are some people that I’ve never been able to get to see my point of view. And there’s one thing they have in common: They all think the same way.

I don’t know. Maybe I am a terrible person, because I sure do feel like it way too often. Or maybe I’m just in another moment. I just don’t know. Another thing: People don’t know what goes on in my head. They don’t know how I feel. Yet they pretend to know. They pretend to be the Wizard of Oz that just knows everything about the situation when half the damn time I can’t even tell them the whole story ‘cause they keep interrupting me. See, this isn’t a one-sided case. It’s not like, I’m just some sort of idiot that’s trying to prove that the earth is flat. I feel a certain way, and in my humble opinion, my feelings matter too. Even when these kinds of things happen.

I’ll end it here. Just to be clear, I think improvement needs to happen on both sides of this. I’m living this life in which 1/2 out of every 24 hours I’m happy. They always say, “Well, no one can do anything about it except you.” I mean, I get that. That’s established. I’m trying to do what I can to improve my life, but it’s just really, really hard when people are like this in my life.

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